


Don't Know How To Be With(out) You

by the_nature_of_roses_and_rocks



Category: Candy Jar (2018)
Genre: F/M, WE LOVE TEEN FANDOMS, it's hard to be a person sometimes?, short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 04:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18242597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_nature_of_roses_and_rocks/pseuds/the_nature_of_roses_and_rocks
Summary: She doesn’t know what this means. She doesn’t know how to do this.





	Don't Know How To Be With(out) You

She doesn’t know what this means. She doesn’t know how to do this. She doesn’t know how to do this. A very specific train of thought keeps looping its way through Lona’s head because. Because. SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!! Lona Skinner is supposed to hate Bennett Russell. Hate him with every piece of her being (those that aren’t already devoted to studying, practicing, and preparing). It’s what she knows, it’s how she functions. On bad days she can define herself in the negative space, when Lona isn’t sure who to be she can define her outline by the failsafe measure of how-can-I beat-Bennett-Russell-today. It’s safe, it’s dependable. After all, their moms hate each other so much that this animosity is practically a birthright. But now, now, for the first time ever . . . she doesn’t want to hate him. (it took her longer than she’s proud of to put a name on this feeling, but that’s what it must be, right? A lack of hatred, it couldn’t be anything else. That part she’s [almost] sure of) 

But, the question remains, if Lona Skinner doesn’t hate Bennett Russell, if she likes being his almost friend, his grudging partner, more than she ever liked being his enemy, who is she? Stripped of an archnemesis, what is she going to become? (anything, her brain can’t help whispering, maybe anything you want to be)

But that’s too big, and that’s too scary, and maybe the whole point is that you can’t just decide who you’re going to be all at one. (“Have fun” – the doodle is still taped above her dresser.)

Still, there are moments when everything feels like it’s crashing down around her and there are moments when she could float away and so that seems like a part of life too. (maybe, her mom whispers, maybe life is beautiful. This is a world where your greatest enemy can wake up one day and decide to make you happy) Lona scoffs and leaves to begin the first (of thirty-six) draft of her packing list. 

(a smile plays on her lips because he is a beautiful boy and for the time being she gets to make him laugh. The next morning he meets her at her front door. Bennett snatches her bag to carry and she wrestles his away because EQUALITY and also she’s way too nice to let anyone carry TWO obscenely heavy backpacks. They slide into his car and for a minute she relaxes, shutting her eyes against the smooth, coolness of the seat. Soon she’ll sit up, shake his arm off her shoulders, and start thinking about her math quiz, but he comes five minutes early every day for a reason and when Bennett leans forwards something in Lona bursts with ease.)


End file.
